wild child

oh dear lord it's almost over. school is almost done. i thought it would never come! this has been the hardest semester to date! and that is saying something!

..i'm so ready for summer. real summer. no school, just work and fun summer.

..i'm ready to leave. it's depressing i have at least two more years of school to be tethered to this place..

..struck by a strange thought tonight... i may actually enjoy mornings now that i'm required to be already working once the sun pokes its way up. i enjoyed *gasp* 6am today. then again i was back asleep by 6:40.


i just want to craft, to make pretty things, to get my camera fixed, to be excellent at my new job. no confrontations. no sadness. it's looming, waiting for me though. such is life i guess.

((i secretly just wish i could stay at home and read/cook/craft as i pleased. i do not want to be a stay at home southern mom. i just don't want to "have" to do anything i don't feel like doing. i feel like there MUST be a way to accomplish this, and i just haven't found the magick solution yet...))


new reading material is much needed for this summer. suggestions? i love a good indulgent memoir... thought i should expand my horizons i'm sure...





i want a cat SO BAD.




can't i just live in a tent in the middle of a field? surrounded by my books? with access to food and never have to face people ever again? they are so taxing. even in training for my new job i find myself bitter at the expectation we are to take our breaks together. i need time to recharge damnit!

i want to be free. i want to live in a house in the trees and be a wild woman who doesn't for a moment stop to think "maybe i can't do that..." fuck you world. i can.

Ransacked

What would you do, if you saw your life crumbling, shattering, being totally and completely, irreversibly ruined?

What if you saw it before others did?

What if you saw it before you had to confront those who did the abandoning, the violating, the fucking horrible dismantling of your life?


Well, I've tired to figure it out. To find a way everything can still be ok. But I know... deep down... it can't. I'm not 16 anymore. I'm dramatic,but not like I used to be. I know the difference between a bump and a MAJOR FUCKING LIFE CHANGE. I have NOT had the confrontation conversation yet, but my fucking GOD i'm so angry i can't see straight or go 2 hours with out crying my fucking eyes out. then it turns to rage, the likes of which i have not known since I was 16.


HOW DARE YOU?!?!? i keep asking myself.

don't be mistaken, i will soar again. she will too; she already is you fucking loosers. you just won't get to watch it, because of the idiot choices you made again and again and again.

we will rise, with scars, we will rise.